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"Masturbation ... is not approved of the Lord nor this church, regardless of what may be said by those whose 'norms' are lower", President Kimball of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (1981) "Every sperm is sacred. Every sperm is great. If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate." Monty Python's The Meaning of Life. A quote often used by various churches in an effort to contain illicit acts amongst its people. Every sermon on masturbation would quote it, atleast all the sermons I have heard. Under the circumstances, is it difficult to imagine masturbation as one of the biggest taboos in our society? Even today? Scientific education has done a little to change it. Does that mean men and women don't masturbate? Certainly not. 99% of men and 70% of women masturbate according to various studies. The problem lies in the acceptance of the fact that you masturbate. Let me tell you a story... a story about you. One night you were sitting alone in your appartment eating pizza. You decided to check out some new sites on the net while you eat. So you log on to your ISP and start surfing. Inadverantely, you come across some piece of pornography(yes, the net is quite full of it!) Looking at those erotic (and often downright nasty photos) you feel a tingling between your legs. One thing leads to another and you end up spoiling your underpants. Now let me tell you another story. One night you were sitting alone in a bar drinking beer. And then a most gorgeous person enters the bar. The person that causes tingling between your legs just looking at him or her. You decide that you can't let go of this oppurtunity to get to know this wonderful creation of god. So you move towards this person and start small talk. One thing leads to another and you end up in your appartment. Whether you are a woman or a man, the next morning you wouldn't be jumping with joy in the first case. When you go out in the evening to meet your friends, you would not tell them about the hot site you found and how you jerked off to it. Nevertheless, in the second case, you would be telling anyone who cared to listen how you had the most wonderful experience of your life last night. Why? Well, maybe because self pleasure is, well, nothing special. You can do it anytime you want. Ofcourse seducing the person of your dreams is quite an accomplishment. No wonder you need an audience. But what if you have a friend like me. A friend who is crazy enough to ask you did you wank off yesterday night? Was it good? What would you do then? Would you tell your friend about the hot site and your experience? Would you simply say, "Yeah! It was great! What about you?" Or would you pretend nothing had happened and lie... something like you were somewhere else yesterday night, or maybe lead your friend to believe you got lucky with someone? I am guessing you would do the latter. Most certainly you won't acknowledge the act of masturbation. Rather you would evade the question and change the topic. And when your friend tells you about a hot conquest the same night, you would wish you had a bowl of water in which you could drown. Shame and guilt would come over you and you would change the topic in double quick time. Are you crazy? Noway! You are just one of the majority. And quite a majority at that! Way more majority that what George Bush had in the last elections! The reason - social conditioning! You are just like the boy who ran out of the cinema hall that was screening an adult film (mind you, he had no business of being there in the first place! But all the cinemas care about is the sale of their tickets!) Later in the day, the friend who had been at the movies with him, caught up with him and asked, "Why in the hell's name did you run out?" The boy answered, "My mom said that if I watched a woman getting naked I would turn to stone. And damn you Harry, a part of me was already turning into stone!" Unluckily, the social conditioning is wrong. It is as wrong as the social condition in 18-19th century India, where widows were forced to burn alive with their husbands. As wrong as the church was in burning Galileo for implying the Earth was not the centre of the universe. Lily Tomlin put it best, "We have reasons to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation!" If god didn't want us to masturbate, maybe we would still be walking like dogs and horses! The social conditioning is a result of numerous myths, lies and scams perperated by numerous individuals for personal benefit. Unfortunately, this conditioning is like a hard nut, very tough to crack. However, with effort and chanelising your energies, you can break it. Remember, the nuts that crack the hardest, are often the ones that taste the best! You must be wondering, how the hell does it matter if you feel guilty about masturbation. Why should you spend time breaking this casing? Certain psychologists believe that guilt conscious, whether sexual guilt or in any other form, is the most destructive element for your mental health. Others believe it is one of the most destructive. But the greatest effect of guilt conscious in my experience has been a lack of confidence in self. Now you are an intelligent reader. I don't need to explain you the importance of self confidence. Be it your career, relationships or any other aspect of life, lack of confidence can bring your downfall. Now I am not implying that should you start to feel more comfortable about masturbation, you would succeed in all aspects of life. But it would be a nice step to take. An useless guilt that should, and can be eradicated from your mind. Remember, an ocean is made of small droplets of water. Get rid of a drop at a time and in due time, the ocean would be empty! Ofcourse it would take several millenia! Luckily, you don't have an ocean full of guily! Just some naggings here and there! The first step towards eradication of this guilt is knowledge. There are thousands of myths around masturbation. Most of them perperated by religion, unfortunately. But some perperated by scam runners. Lets take a look at the most important ones. 1. Masturbation is against the will of god. Bullshit. At one point the church considered anyone who was overtly passionate to his wife an adultrater. Follow that teaching and your wife would be committing adultery! Several clergymen have gone on record to say that not only the church's teachings about sexuality were unrelated to the scriptures, but that they caused more harm than good amongst people. Besides, nowhere in the religious teachings of any major religions is masturbation considered wrong. 2. Masturbation will cause impotency. Most males and even some females seem to think so. Wrong again. Lets tackle the males first. It is understandable that seeing their sperm flow out of their body, they think it may end sometime. Well, it will end one day... maybe when you are 100 years old. But until then don't worry. Your sperm bank is quite unlike Standard Chartered. You have unlimited credit here! Sperm is a completely renewable resource, renewable on an hourly basis! For women, well, there is no basis in the theory. Probably perperated by old ladies who never had an orgasm in their entire life! 3. Masturbation causes acnes, hair loss, skin diseases. This one is my favorite. Mainly because it is one of the better scams of all times! Your social conditioning would have you believe that masturbation is bad for your health. But bad how? No one would give you a satisfying answer! Now some scam artists saw this as an good oppurtunity to sell their products like hair growth lotions, etc. Since most people start masturbating during their teens, (the times of acne and other skin problems), they would have you believe that this is caused by masturbation! Unluckily for them, this is as untrue as the sun rising from the west! Masturbation has no physical side effects! 4. Masturbating will make you thin and skinny! Then there would be no need for diet pills and fitness regimes my friend! And most certainly 70% of USA wouldn't be overweight! 5. Only Kids masturbate! Why would you say that? I wonder! Well quite untrue, most adults masturbate... yup even after marriage! 6. Masturbation is for males. And it is for 70% of the women too. Thats right, two thirds of all females masturbate! 7. Only losers masturbate! Another of my favorites. Just goes to show just how much of a taboo is masturbation! First thing, 99% of males and 70% of females have masturbated atleast once in their lives. Now that is a hell of a lot of losers don't you think! Nothing more that I can add really... this is really the epitome of insecurity amongst people regarding self pleasure. 8. Masturbation is for homosexuals. Wow. Where did that one originate! Someone must make a etymology of these myths, would make for an interesting read! Just as untrue as all these myths, masturbation and homosexuality have nothing in common. Some people masturbate to their fantasies of opposite sex, others to their fantasies of same sex. Thats it. 9. Masturbation will make you blind! Others claim that masturbation is bad for your eyesights. However, their claims are unsupported by facts and medical advice. I suggest you talk to your general physician and he will explain you what a load of bull this is. 10. Masturbation changes the shape of your penis Well, it does make it rock hard. But believe me, once you orgasm, the hardness is gone! So no. Masturbation has absolutely no effect on how your penis looks. There are loads more of these myths circulating around the world. If you have a query about masturbation, ask me, I would happily lay your fears to rest. My email is advice@pornographytimes.com Now lets move on in an attempt to get rid of your guilt. Clearly, all the reasons that made masturbation such a taboo are baseless. So why should you feel guilty about something that is normal and actually healthy? Healthy? Yes that too! This January, I recieved an email from a woman who had some major problems in her marriage. Due to her career and that of her husband, their sexual life was inexistant. Both held jobs in big MNCs and were frequently out of town. Sometimes, they would see each other once a month! Nevertheless, they were very much in love. Her problem was, that inspite of all their love, they were getting into petty fights with each other. The woman was even experiencing problems during work, getting angry for no apparent reasons, shouting on her team. Her temperament was a creation of the stress caused by extensive work and lack of pleasurable activities. Add to that sexual frustration. My advice to her was twofold. First, I told her that she would have to slow down, and so should her husband. They must make time for their hobbies, maybe try and get in some physical exercise when they could. Most certainly, they needed to see more of each other. They should onsider talking off a couple of days and just be together. Second, while she was alone, she should consider fantasy therapy. Namely, reading erotic novels, watching erotic movies... exciting herself and eventually masturbating as regularly as she could. Three months later, I recieved a thank you letter from her. Apparently she had put my advice to practice (which is quite rare!) and it had actually helped. (Which is not so rare!) How did masturbating help her? Because most of her problems arose from stress and lack of physical activities. And masturbation, like sex, is the perfect medicing. When you orgasm, your mind gets cleared of the regular day to day problems. Your body gets excited and the blood flow increases. Sometimes, you even sweat! A complete and perfect exercise for those with lack of time! The next step in getting rid of your guilt is self belief. Something, no outsider can help you with. Here is what I would counsel. Read as many articles on the internet as you can relating to masturbation. Just so that you know that I am not bullshitting you. Any queries you have, don't be afraid to ask me or another sex advisor on any of the reputed websites. Remember, the first step is knowledge and the second step is belief. And knowledge leads to belief. 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Introduction Trieste is an Adriatic coastal city in northeastern Italy, close to the border with Slovenia. The sea in the Gulf of Trieste is very clear and clean, with limestone cliffs and rocky beaches. The centre of the city has a mid-European feel, more Austrian than Italian, Trieste was the seaport of the Hapsburg Empire. Unique Points You can enjoy a combination of a sea/beach holiday and the attractions of a cultural city. It is an ideal destination for a short break but you could easily spend a week here too. The Verdi Theatre hosts an opera season in the winter and an operetta festival in summer. You can swim in the beautiful clear sea, stroll the promenade, and walk along the cliff paths. Take in the wonderful art collection at the Revoltella Museum. You can sip coffee on Piazza Unita Italia with its grand 19th century buildings, which face onto the sea. Getting there Ryanair flies into Trieste from London Standsted. The airport is 35 kms west of Trieste but there is regular public transport on Coach 51 into Trieste. Getting around If you do decide to hire a car, it is worth checking that you can take it into Slovenia and Croatia if you are considering day trips there. Trieste has a good public transport network. There is a "Trieste by Bus" city tour in 13 stops. This is available on Saturdays and Sundays at 2pm from the end of June to mid October. The two and a half hour trip allows you to see the city's main attractions. The cost is around five euros per person. You can take the Opicani tram up to the Carso plateau, 348 metres above sea level. This funicular tramway was built in 1902. The tram leaves from Piazza Oberdan in the city centre up Scorolo hill to the plateau above. History According to folklore Trieste was founded by Tergeste, a friend of Jason and the Argonauts. Ancient Tergeste as a Roman colony is dated to around 178 BC. It became more important during the reign of Octavian when roads were improved. The city has had many rulers during its history: Goths, Byzantines, and Lombards. In the 13th century Trieste was forced to swear allegiance to Venice. To escape Venetian domination, Trieste sought the protection of Duke Leopold of Austria. Trieste was of great importance to the Hapsburg Empire as a seaport and was made a Freeport in 1719. Without customs barriers the port and city flourished. At the end of the First World War with collapse of the Hapsburg Empire, Trieste was returned to Italy in 1918. Trieste was taken over by the Third Riech when Italy withdrew from the Second World Ward in September 1943. Two years later there was a 40-day Occupation by Tito's Yugoslav forces. After 9 years under an Anglo-American government Trieste was handed over to the Italian government. Trieste's history may help explain why 70% of Italians apparently did not know that Trieste was part of Italy in a recent opinion poll! With EU enlargement Trieste is ideally placed as the only natural port in the centre of Europe. Trieste is one of three finalists to host the international Expo of Science, Technology and Culture in 2008. If its bid is successful there will be more investment in the area and Trieste will become better known on the world map. Literary Connections The Irish author James Joyce lived in Trieste during the early part of the 20th century. When he first arrived he worked as a tutor at the Berlitz School of English. He went on to write "The Dubliners", "The Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man" and start "Ulysses" in Trieste. The rich mix of central European and Eastern Mediterranean culture in Trieste is said to have had a great influence on his writing. Joyce was English tutor to Itali Svevo, the Italian novelist. Svevo was born in Trieste in 1861, his Mother was part of a Triestian Jewish family, and his Father was of German descent. Joyce encouraged and praised Svevo's work and Svevo wrote critiques of Joyce's work. Svevo's book, "The Confessions of Zeno", was virtually ignored in Italy. However Joyce recommended the book to publishers in France, where it was hailed as a masterpiece. The book is an autobiography of Zeno, written for Zeno's psychoanalyst, to help get to the bottom of his smoking addiction. Svevo is credited by Welleck as "an Italian novelist with permanent appeal as a psychoanalytical psychologist and as a portrayer of the inhabitants of Austrian and later Italian Trieste and their often uncertain national allegiance." Jan Morris wrote the book, "Trieste and the Meaning of Nowhere". Morris claims this is her final book, a self- examination based in Trieste. Morris changed gender. Jan Morris first visited Trieste at the end of the Second World War as young Welsh soldier. She describes how the city "curiously haunted her" . She revisited the city as an elderly woman. Morris describes Trieste as "natural capital of the nation of nowhere". By this she means a home for the so-called "Fourth World" . This is a scattered group with the common values of humour and understanding, usually exiles in their own communities but probably numerous enough to form their own nation. I laughed at Clay Risen's comment in his piece about Trieste in the Square Table in Spring 2003. He observed that "Trieste is the only city in Eruope which appears more often in reflective essays than in guide books of newspaper travel sections." Exploring the city The best way to explore the city is to walk around. The Piazza dell' Unita d'Italia is the heart of the city. The square was created towards the end of the 19th century. It houses the City Hall, with its clock tower featuring statues of Mikeze and Lakeze, figures from Trieste folklore; Government House, with its gilded mosaic wall decorations; and the former Head Office of Lloyd Triestino, built in Renaissance style by an Austrian architect. The Victory Lighthouse lights the Gulf of Trieste and commemorates the dead of the First World War. It stands almost 70 metres high with a scaled dome containing a statue of winged Victory. At the base of the column is the anchor of the torpedo boat Audace, the first Italian ship to enter the harbour in 1918. The lighthouse took 4 years to complete and was officially opened in 1927. The Old Stock Exchange is a fine example of neo-classical architecture, resembling a Greek temple. The Old Stock Exchange stands by the so called Grand Canal. However this is rather an misnomer as the canal is very short. There is a statue of Joyce by one of the bridges. The Arco di Riccard is a Roman gate to the city thought to date from 33 AD. It is in Piazzetta di Ricordo in the old city. You can see the Roman amphitheatre at the foot of San Guisto hill. The Verdi Opera Theatre opened in 1801. It is of a similar style to La Scala in Milan. Museums There are many museums in Trieste, most of which are closed on Mondays. Probably the best is The Revoltella Museum, which was founded in 1872 when Baron Revoletta left his home and art collection to the city of Trieste. He also set up an endowment, which enabled a larger collection to be acquired. The Art Gallery has now spread over three buildings in order to house the ever-expanding collection by many Italian and other artists. Other museums include: The Regional Centre for the Study of Ancient and Modern Military History The Civic Museum The Museum of Oriental Art Piccolo Pharmacy Museum The Railway Museum Café society As Trieste is a port it was one of the first European cities to take to coffee in a big way. The first coffee houses in Trieste opened at the beginning of the 18th century. These cafés become very popular with artists and intellectuals. Several of the original cafes are going strong, the Tommeseo and the Cafee degli Specchi. Triestines are very particular about their coffee. If you order a cappuccino the Trieste version will be a black coffee with a little milk. You would need to order an Italian cappuccino. Mixing spirits with coffee is a no-no, viewed as a beverage favoured by foreign lorry drivers! Cultural and Sporting Events The Barcolana is held on the second Sunday of October. This is a sailing competition which has run for 30 years and has almost 2000 vessels competing. There are other events during the week such as the Saturday nighttime regatta. The winner is the boat, which can achieve the highest number of laps around the San Guisto basin. The Music Festival takes place for three evenings at the Piazza d'Italie. There is a line up of Italian and international talent and it's free. From October to May the concert and opera season unfolds in the historic neo-Classical Teatro Comunale Giuseppe Verdi (opened in 1801 and designed by Matteo Petch, architect of Milan's La Scala) and the modern Sala Tripcovich. The festival of Light Opera is held in July and August at the Verdi. Figures of international renown congregate in Trieste for performances of such works as Fritz Kreisler's "Sissi", "The Land of Smiles" and Franz Lear's "Judith". Castello Miramare This castle was built for Archduke Maximilian as a residence by the sea. Maxilmilian and his wife, Charlotte of Belgium, came to live here in 1860. However their stay only lasted for 4 years as Maximilian was despatched to Mexico, where he been offered the throne in an attempt to end the Civil War there. Rebel forces killed Maximilian. Charlotte lived at the Castello alone briefly and then returned to her native Belgium. You can visit the castle and gardens. In July and August the tragic love story is brought to life in a "Sons et Lumieres". The voice of the Castle caretaker recounts the love story of Maximilian and Charlotte. Performances in English and German can be requested on Saturdays by phoning +39 40 414177 Castello di Duino This old castle dates from the 11th century, the only recognisable remains are the tower and an arch. The new castle was completed in the 15th century. Legend tells that in medieval times a young princess fell in love with a local boy. Her Father locked her away in a tower and had her lover killed in the courtyard below and the corpse thrown in the sea. In despair the Princess leapt from the tower, her screams turned her to stone as she hurtled down. Near the shore is a rock that looks like a woman's body. Some say that "Dama Biance" still haunts the area searching for her lost love. Duino Castle has only recently opened its doors to the public. Prince Carlo Allessandro and his family still live in the castle. The castle has accommodated many famous guests: Dante, Listz and Struass. The coastal path, the Rilke Promenade from Duino to Sistians is named after the German poet, a guest at the castle from 1911 - 1912. The Grotta Gigante, the Giant Cave This cave is the largest accessible cave in the world. It is estimated that you could fit St Peters Cathedral inside. The cave was first explored in 1840 by Lidner. In 1904, a four- year project started to turn the cave into a tourist attraction. It took 4000 candles to light the cave, electricity was only installed in 1957. There are hourly guided visits. You can find out about opening hours by phoning 040 327312. Swimming The beach at Sistinna Spiaggia is said to be one of the best in Italy. It can be reached by the no. 51 and 21 buses from Trieste. Grignano is closer to Trieste and is reached by the no. 36 bus. Where to eat Harry's Grill in the Hotel Gran Duchi is one of Trieste's most exclusive restaurants. I have eaten at this restaurant. I was even served with a pre-starter, a delicious titbit of stuffed aubergine, and a pre-dessert, a lovely strawberry mousse. The accompanying bread and bread sticks has been freshly baked. My (proper) starter was stuffed pasta, the main course was sea bass, topped off with white chocolate mousse rippled with passionfruit sauce. It is entirely possible to have a lighter meal, if you can resist the temptation. In Summer you can sit out on the pedestrianised square. Main courses cost from 16 - 26 euros. Piazza dll"Unita d"Italia 2, tel: 040 660606 Al Bragozzo is the best-known restaurant at the port, which specialises in seafood. The simply yet creatively prepared meals pay homage to the sea and its heritage by combining the elements of Italian cuisine and the riches of the Mediterranean. Specialties include spaghetti alla Giorgio (with tomatoes and herbs), ravioli stuffed with herbs, monkfish braised with artichokes (and cooked with white wine), and spaghetti with lobster. There are also many preparations of salmon and shrimp. You can eat at the outdoor tables, weather permitting, if you visit in the summer. Main courses cost from 10 - 25 euros. Riva Nazario Sauro 22. tel: 040 303001. There are many buffets in Trieste. These are restaurants which specialise in pork, often in various stews, sausages and soups. Two of the best known are: Re di cappe, Via Geppa 11, tel 040 370330 Da Giovanni, Via S Lazzaro 14, tel 040 639396 Day trips Exploring the Carse The Triestine cares starts at Montefalcone in the north and stretches down adjacent to the Slovenian border. The area is known as a paradise for botanists with a mixture of continental flora and Mediterranean vegetation. There is talk of the area achieving national park status. The Carsic house in Rupingrande has a collection of traditional furniture and local costumes. During the first week in May the works of local painters are exhibited during the Majence Festival, in San Dorligo delle Valle. The best known event is the Carsic Wedding, every second year on the last Sunday of August in Monrupino. There are dances every night of the preceeding week. On the wedding day the bridal procession, all dressed in traditional costume, walk to the fortress church for the marriage ceremony. Grado and Aquiliea Aquiliea was founded in the first century BC. It occupies a strategic defence location. It became a Patriarchs's seat andmany beautiful churches were built. The Bascilica is considered to be one of the most important monuments of early Christianity. There are two museums to visit there. Grado was the extreme southern part of the port of Aquileia. Now it a beautiful island city joined to the mainland by a causeway. It boasts 20 kms of fine sandy beaches. Grado was very popular as a spa during the days of the Austrio Hungarian Empire with its healing sands. Grado can be reached by the no 21 bus from Trieste. There is also a boat service during the Summer. Muggia Muggia is a pretty coastal town just south of Trieste, which can be reached by ferry from Trieste during the summer. The town is of Venetian origin, surrounded by medieval walls with a 14th century castle and a pretty port. Slovenia The Slovenian border is just a few kilometres from Trieste. 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Erection takes place when structures inside the penis and along the urethra between a man’s legs are filled with blood and inflated. This occur upon signals from the brain and the spinal cord, and the signals are transmitted through nerves in the parasympatic nervous system, a part of the autonomous or involuntary nervous system. HOW THE NERVOUS SYSTEM TRIGGERS AND CONTROLS THE ERECTION The erection is triggered and controlled by the following events: - Something stimulates sensorial bodies in the genital zone or other senses. Impulses are then sent from the senses through nerves and the spinal cord towards the brain, and reaches the upper areas of the brain. The brain then recognizes these impulses as something sexually arousing. Also thoughts originating in the brain itself may be recognized as something sexually arousing. - The higher brain areas having recognized some arousing events then send impulses down to the limbic system at the lower area of the brain. It is the limbic system that actually produces the feeling of excitement. - The limbic system sends signals down the spinal cord and out to the genital area through nerves called nervi erigentes - a part of the parasympatic nervous system - The signals reaching the penis and the rest of the genital zone then trigger erection and engorgement of the area between the man’s legs. - Stimuli to the penile or genital sensorial bodies do not need to reach the brain to result in an erection. Areas in the spinal cord will also recognize the stimuli and get excited. Then the spinal cord also by its own sends erectile impulses back to the genital area. - The sensorial bodies in the genital area will also be stimulated mechanically by the erection. Since stimulation of these bodies trigger erection, the erection process is self enforcing. A beginning erection thus trigger even more erection. THE ANATOMICAL BASE FOR ERECTION In the penis lie three bodies consisting of a network of very elastic blood vessels having circular smooth muscles in their walls, called erectile bodies. There are two paired bodies lying at the upper side of the urethra (corpora cavernosa), and one lying around the urethra (corpus spongiosum). The muscles in the vessel walls are able to constrict the volume of the vessels, or relax allowing the vessels to widen. Vessels leading blood to or from the erectile bodies also have the ability to constrict or relax in order to restrict or facilitate blood flow. The erectile chambers are not only confined to the penis, but continue in the area between the legs all the way backwards to the anal area. WHAT HAPPENS IN THE GENITAL ZONE DURING AN ERECTION The erection response consists of the following events in the genital zone: - When the signals from the brain and the spinal cord reach the nerve ends in the penis and the genital zone, the chemical compound nitric oxide (NO) is released. - Nitric oxide then spreads through the genital area and especially the penis. Nitric oxide then triggers the following reactions. - Blood vessels leading blood to the erectile bodies relax. Then more blood flows into the penis. - Blood vessels leading from the erectile bodies constrict, making it difficult for blood to leave the bodies. - The smooth muscles around the vessels in the erectile bodies relax, allowing these vessels to widen. - The blood going into the erectile bodies will then fill up in the vessels of the bodies and inflate the bodies to a much larger volume. - The inflated bodies will get straight and hard. The growing erectile bodies will inflate the whole penis and make the penis rise. - Since the erectile bodies continues backwards between the man’s legs, also this area swells and fixes the penis rigidly so that it does not sway from side to side when fully erected.